Want to know how to be a good wingman and jump on a “grenade”?

Check out my article at http://www.mademan.com/how-to-take-a-grenade/

If you want to date out of your league – use this MAP from my latest article on mademand.com

http://www.mademan.com/3-things-needed-date-out-your-league

Things NOT to do on a first blind date

I’m almost 30 and I’ve been dating for over 10 years. I’ve been in and out of relationships but I’ll admit I’ve been on my share of blind dates – so many that my best friend claims she’s making a “guess how many jelly beans are in the jar” game for my bachelorete party one day to see if any of my friends can keep track of all the guys I’ve dated.

I’ve met some of the guys on J-date.  Some have found me through friends on Facebook.  And of course, there’s  set ups. But, first blind dates are dramatically different from a date with a guy you’ve met before at a bar or known. Here’s my advice of what to keep in mind for your first blind dates:

1.) Do not do dinner on a first date. It will only waste the guys’ money (if he pays) or yours and your time. Dinner with a stranger can be awkward even for the most socially skilled. Instead meet for tea or drinks somewhere. The key is just to meet. Then after you meet briefly and talk offline, you’ll know if you want him to take you out on a real date.

2.) Do not waste your time talking for days on end on the phone before you’ve met him. Chances are you’ll get along great on the phone but it will only be more awkward when you meet and have to basically break up on a first date. Attraction is important. It’s what separates your friends from your boyfriend. Yes, it can grow a bit with time for girls, but you don’t want to wait for attraction to grow with someone you’re repulsed by.

3.) Do not wash and style your hair for each first blind date. It will damage your hair if you’re actively dating and some guys will not be worth the time or expensive conditioner. Plus, most of the guys won’t know the difference anyway. Many like a natural look, wavy hair and all.  Waiting to get properly primped until the first date will give you a chance to look better and better each time and let’s face it – many of the times we get all dolled up it’s for ourselves anyway and the guys are just waiting to take your clothes off and mess up your hair. So save the washing and drying time at least till the first real date.

4.)Do not have him pick you up and get your address if he is a perfect stranger and you’re not comfortable. . If you know them through a friend or coworker, you should be fine but if it’s a complete stranger and you’re not comfortable, just pick a local Coffee Bean.

5.) Do not tell him about the other dates you have planned for the week. I went on a date with a guy last week who told me I was the last date of the week and now he wouldn’t book second dates with the others.  But that attempt to be romantic was a total turnoff. It can be fun breaking the ice talking about past stories from the dating site if they are funny or shocking and sometimes can help you get to know each other. But make sure they aren’t from the same week!

6.)  Don’t ask him 20 questions or let him hound you with them. Neither of you should be trying to fill a check list. So many people make that mistake. In my opinion, it’s better to just be yourself and see how you get along in the beginning  and let the conversation unfold. Then if you continue to date, you can find out the long term answers like if they want to raise their kids a certain religion or what not.  First find someone you want to put up with. Then you see if they are worth compromising for.

TALK TO ME:

GUYS, please learn these rules of texting from Debra, the Dating Diva:    http://www.mademan.com/dont-be-text-offender

The Meat Market Experiment. Can you find love in the grocery isle?

I’m so over online dating, set ups, and meeting wasted men in bars. Why can’t I just meet a nice, normal guy in person and choose the one I like rather than being chosen by those I don’t or blind dating to find out I was way more attracted to the picture than the person. Perhaps I’d meet him at some place innocent, like the market where he’s sober enough to remember he got my number and actually call the next day. Determined mostly to entertain myself, I decided to conduct an experiment.

I set off to the market in full makeup, a fitted yet structured grey spaghetti strap dress, and 3-inch black heels. I happened to have my makeup and hair done professionally that morning from a tv show recording so I wasn’t about to sweat off my freshly done makeup and hair working out or sitting in front of the television. I decided to act like I do at bars and events out at the market ( smiley, confident, and approachable) and see what happens.

I started with Trader Joes, the friendliest market I know. Even people that don’t want to hit on each other talk to each other there. I could tell this one guy I didn’t want to talk to was following me across the front of the store so I faked him out as if I was walking into one isle, and then walked into another, and he still came! He proceeded to stare at the soup cans next to me and asked me idiotic questions like “So, did you make a list for what to buy?”  He must have been doing the same thing I was.  I politely smiled and responded, “Yep, it’s easier that way” and walked away. Otherwise I would have been stuck discussing grocery lists with someone I did not want to discuss grocery lists with.  I realized this might not have been the best idea and could actually be really annoying – like when your visibly online on a dating website and you have to x out of the multiple chats that come up from guys asking why you aren’t responding to them – even though they are over 10 years out of my age range or living across the country!

Walking away, I stared directly at the food I was searching for because any form of eye contact can send the wrong signal. And from time to time, I scanned the room and then looked down to see if the guys were wearing a ring or pushing a stroller haha. I feel like I only recently started having to look for those things in the past year. It used to be that any guy was game. I guess I’m getting older. Then, in the checkout line, the cashier was flirting so much he gave me paper bags though asked for plastic and I was so deep in conversation with him that I didn’t realize either till the end. Ugg.

Next, to Ralphs, not as much luck. The energy was lower there. People didn’t seem as happy. There was one guy who followed me back and forth up and down one isle but he was talking in another language on his cell phone the whole time so I don’t really see the point of him following me back and forth if he wasn’t going to talk to me. Or, maybe he really was as indecisive as me and needed to go back and forth between Kettle chips and Tostitos lime with nacho cheese. But, I doubt it. On the way out, a bum asked for change.  –I replied, “Sorry” because I didn’t have any on me and he replied “At least you’re hot.”  Ego boost from a bum – sad.

Finally, on the way out in the parking lot, I finally found a decent looking guy I would have actually wanted to talk to. I was debating what to say to him. I mean really, what do you say to someone you just want to flirt with without making up some stupid question you don’t really need the answer to? It’s not like I could have pulled up in my car before he drove away, and just introduced myself. It’s not a bar. It’s not the place. Although, I have a feeling that it doesn’t really matter what is said. It’s more about if you’re interested in talking to the person who is saying it, in these cases.  I was, however, curious if he was Jewish so I decided the perfect question would be to ask him if he knew where I could buy some Kosher Wine. Unfortunately, as I turned my car around I must not have been quick enough with my turning radius because he was already walking to the store but turned back to smile at me.  It’s not like I was going to roll down my window, honk, holler, and follow him. Ugg. I guess I was chicken. Well, actually, $70 later with nacho cheese and ice cream melting in my car and feet hurting from strutting up and down all the isle in heels, I decided to nix going to Bristol Farms and give up for the night. Ahh well, on to the next experiment…

TALK TO ME:

What do you say when you see a guy you want to talk to when you’re not in a bar? Or, what have they said to you? I need ideas!

Don’t make these Dating MISStakes.  Want to know to spot and avoid the cheater, the drama queen, the emotional wreck, and the friend-zone fiend? Check out my latest article:

http://www.mademan.com/dont-make-these-dating-misstakes

Want to know how to take a friendship to the next level… Romance? Check out how these people did it in my latest article on mademan.com….

http://www.mademan.com/turn-friendship-relationship

https://blackbookbuilder.wordpress.com/2011/07/06/signs-to-make-up-or-break-up/#more-426

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