Here are samples of advice men have asked us for and responses we have provided. We also welcome your comments of what you think he should do! Get creative and let us know if you think we’re on the right track.

QUESTION: “I recently became unemployed.  How do I tell a girl I’m interested in dating about that so she doesn’t “red flag” me? Or should I forget about dating all together till I’m back in the game?” – (single male – late 20’s)

Debra, the Dating Diva

Dear single and unemployed – Don’t second guess yourself. Yes, it can seem that a man’s job is as important to some women as a woman’s looks are to a man. But, first of all, you’re not the only one who is unemployed these days. Have you looked around? Don’t let it ruin your game if there’s a girl you’re interested in pursuing. The key is to be honest with her about your situation yet spin it as a positive. You know, like when your asked what your worst quality about yourself is in a job interview and you say you work too hard? For starters, let her know what industry you specialize in and what you’re currently moving towards. Feel free to throw in any projects your working on in the meantime or if your making a career change your inspired about. She’ll respect the positivity, honesty, and drive. And, she’ll see that you make the best of a situation.

QUESTION: “How do I go about setting up a date with a girl who is recently out of a long-term relationship?” (single male, early 30’s)


Daniella says: Try “Are you free Thursday? I’d like to take you to dinner.”
There’s no such thing as “I’m not ready to date,” only “I don’t want date you.” More likely than not, it is personal if a girl declines a date with you. All girls know that the quickest way to get over one guy is to put your stock into a new one. Coming out of a long term relationship is the best time to start dating! So if she is interested, it doesn’t matter so much how you ask her, but that you ask her. Believe me, she wants to be asked out.

Jen, the Level-headed Therapist

I’m not sure if the guy means setting up a date for himself and the girl, or setting the girl up with someone else (like a buddy of his).  I would proceed with caution in this situation.  You have to use your best judgement and intuition in this case.  Are you already sort of friends with this girl?  Exactly how long has she been out of the relationship?  Is she giving you any signs that she’s emotionally over the prior guy?  I would suggest keeping things casual, light, and fun at first.  No serious, hard-core courtship yet… this girl just needs to get her mind off of serious relationships for a little while, and see that she can enjoy time with another dude.  Really pay attention to the signals she’s sending… for example, if she’s hesitant when you suggest grabbing dinner or a movie, or she’s giving all sorts of excuses, she may not be ready.  If she seems enthusiastic, then great!  But certainly go slow with the physical stuff and intimacy… that could feel really overwhelming and uncomfortable for her.  Good luck!  And remember, just because she “just got out of a long-term relationship” doesn’t mean she hasn’t already pretty much emotionally checked-out of the last relationship.

Steph, the Marriage Expert

Steph, the marriage expert says,” If you want to pursue this girl romantically try not to fall into the “friend category.” You want to make sure she is ready to start dating and feels comfortable going out with another man. Find out what her hobbies, interests, and passions are and see if she would like to do an activity together. For example, if she likes to go hiking or bike riding on the weekends, see if you can join her. If things go well on the outing then take her out to lunch or a coffee. A day date might also make things less “datish” and more comfortable.”


QUESTION: “What do I do if I like someone and have the opportunity to go out with them, but a good friend already hooked up with that person?” (single male , late 20’s)

Katie says: Define “hookup”. If you mean making out or having sex and there was no relationship. Get tested. Have her get tested. Have fun. *btw…if she tests positive have your friend get tested…or at least have him take the antibiotics!  I suppose if she tests positive, it’s your decision of what to do…

If, on the other hand, your friend actually DATED her. i.e. Paid for dinners, kissed her forehead, brought her chicken noodle soup, etc. You must have his blessing. And if he gives it to you, you need to be sure you’d still be ok if your Bro-mance takes a hit because he didn’t really mean it when he said it was ok.”

Steph, the marriage expert

Steph, the marriage expert says, “I would first ask your friend if he had feelings for the girl and if he would be ok with you pursuing her. A girl is not worth ruining a good friendship. If things progress with this girl then your friend will appreciate you being upfront and honest in the beginning.”


QUESTION: “How do you know whether you’ve given a girl enough time
to determine whether she’s the one before ending it?”
(single male, early 30’s)

Oh honey. It sounds like the only girl that could be “the one” for you is one that also looks at every relationship as if it’s automatically doomsday. Three things: first, you need to rethink how you are phrasing the question; second you need to decide whether or not you are really looking to be in a relationship; and third, if you are asking this question about a specific woman, then you just aren’t that into her. Plain and simple. Think about it. If you’re already considering “ending it”, but want to know what a reasonable timeline is, then you just end it. She’s not “the one. Go on and find “the one” instead of wasting your and her time.
We all want to have that moment with our significant other where our breath is taken away, we’re swooped off our feet and ride into the sunset. On a horse. But life isn’t a Disney movie or an Old Spice commercial. In every relationship there is that pivotal moment: you’re in or your out. For me, I knew I was in when when seeing him was the best part of my day when I realized that he made me want to be the best version of me that I could possibly be, I was done dating. I was in. Instead of my Cinderella moment, I had my Jack Nicholson moment. In As Good As it Gets he tells Helen Hunt, in his horrifyingly creepy way, “You make me want to be a better man.” Find that woman that makes you want to be that better man.
If you’ve been on one date or 100 dates with the same woman and you’re still not feeling it, then it’s time to move on.

Steph, the marriage expert

Steph, the marriage expert says: “You can feel that there isn’t a spark. Of there’s someone you like better and you don’t have much in common. Also, no chemistry.”

QUESTION: “How do I know if I’m coming on too strong? I know girls want attention but I don’t wanna be a pushover either!” (single male, early 20’s)

Debra, the Dating Diva

Debra, the Dating Diva

Dear Attentive, you’re right that most girls want a guy to do the heavy lifting, especially at first, to let her know that he’s interested. However, are you looking for cues? For example, have you called her twice  before she’s called you back? Do you have unanswered texts or even facebook messages? It’s one thing to be busy, but if she’s not feeling it, stop putting it out there. Also, if you are out with a girl, remember to let things progress naturally. Umm, so if you’re planning your next 5 dates on the first date or even a weekend getaway, you might be jumping ahead. Lastly, be sure to balance the physical attention with the mental/emotional closeness. If you’ve barely had a conversation at a loud bar and shared a few texts, then a girl that wants to date you most likely won’t be ready to jump in the sack. The key really is to make sure you’re on the same page so you’re not chasing her away. Let her  walk with you.

QUESTION: “I always hear girls blabbing about “red flags” on dates. What are they talking about and how can I avoid sending ’em?”

Jen, the level-headed Therapist

That’s a great question, but a word of warning: one girl’s “red flag” can just as easily be another girl’s “pink” or even “green flag.”  With that said, here are some of the more obvious ones off the top of my head:

– a guy who talks too much about ex-girlfriends, or the people he’s dated or hooked up with (avoid this altogether if possible on the first couple dates).  It’s especially bad if the guy’s bad-mouthing any ex’s.
– any sort of racist, sexist, or even age-ist jokes.  Be PC… unless that’s truly a huge part of your personality, in which case I guess you’ll be weeding out the girls who won’t put up with it pretty quickly.
– a guy who doesn’t pay for everything on the first date.  I know this sounds dated, but whether or not the girl offers to pay her share for dinner, a movie or drinks, you should always pay.  After that, it can become more of a shared thing.
– not having a concrete plan for the first couple dates.  Don’t show up and ask the girl to choose what restaurant, bar or movie to go to.  You want to appear in control, and as though you’d put thought into the dates.
– talking so much about yourself that you don’t end up learning anything about your date.  The first few dates should be a give and take… while she may volunteer things about herself, make sure you ask some questions about her life and interests.
– a guy who doesn’t have any interests, or any male friends.  Girls like dynamic guys.  And if you have no male friends, we assume there’s something wrong…
– a guy who waits until the last minute to finalize plans.  Again, be sure to be the guy with a plan.
– a guy who can’t hold a conversation.  Be curious, come with a few good stories, and be prepared to make a little small talk when necessary.
– a guy who pushes the physical part too fast.  First dates are for hugs and kisses, not taking a girl back to your place for an after-party. Unless you don’t really see things headed to serious-relationship land…
I’m sure I could think of more, but these are the ones that stick out the most right now.  And again, chivalry is not dead!  Holding doors, paying, and giving a nice compliment are always good 🙂 

QUESTION:  How do I get past the “friend zone” and meet girls in normal places?

I’de like to ask you for some advice, so here is my situation:
I’m 20 years old, i’ve never had a girlfriend, i’m an above average looking guy and fairly handsome, i’m tall, slightly slim but have a good weight overall or so says my doctor.i’m Moroccan, currently studying in France, so were in Europe here not the US.
Hum here is my main problems:
I can’t seem to hold a good conversation with a new women, and it almost always falls out or i end up not asking for her phone number. And leaving not see her ever again. I’m currently in an unviersity
but i’m quite the charming guy and do some ammount of chivalry, but i don’t seem to be able to get it past the friend zone or the “just that other guy” zone. i’m also sometimes shy, but i recently began to be more open and get the courage to speak and engage with new people fairly easly although sometimes i hesitate. i’m also not realy making any serious effort to get a girlfriend, i’m just waiting for her to show up because i dont see any girl that is both pretty and single around here but that’s just me.
Since i seriously dislike clubs and bars, and would more like to meet my future girlfriend in a “normal” place.
That’s about it.
thank you for reading.

QUESTION: “I just wanted to say thank you for making your site. It definitely helped reading some of the things you posted. I look forward to updates that you post.

My question would be how should I approach a girl at a bar or club?

My roommate is better looking than me and has confidence levels that I could only dream of. He always gets girls numbers and usually closes the deal if he wants to. He boasts that hes had sex with over 200 girls (all being over 8’s). I’ve done a paltry 2% of what he’s done (prolly 5’s and 6’s). He’s a great story teller, and he knows how to make a girl smile. I’m a relationship kind of guy and just recently became single. I’m ready to explore and need your help on what to do and where to start. I know meeting new women is a numbers game, and I’m going to have to get used to getting rejected a lot. But having all three of the MAP qualities you talked about I feel like I have a pretty good chance to try to close the deal. I’m confident, but I feel like I never know what to say to someone. When I try to talk to a girl do I just start talking, tap her on her shoulder, touch her arm, i don’t know where to start. If you could help me out and point me in the right direction I would appreciate it!
Thanks,

Shaun
Debra the Dating Diva

Debra the Dating Diva

Hey Shaun  – Glad you’re liking the site and articles. Since you’re recently out of a relationship, you may not know exactly what you want yet. Or, you may decide once you meet the girl if she is new relationship material or if she’s for fun. The key is to really take the time to get yourself together and re-establish your own interests, friends, and hobbies outside your old relationship and process the breakup so you’re over it. Keeping busy and do things you want to do. This confidence will show when you talk to girls. They’ll see that you’re not desperate but that you are an interesting person they want to get to know.

When you approach a girl, you need to assess the situation. If she is huddled tightly in a circle with her friends at a bar, try not to interrupt the conversation with a stupid question. Try to wait for the right moment when she looks bored, or looks at you or if she’s walking alone to the bathroom or what not. Perhaps compliment her on her smile and ask how her night is going. You need to read how she reacts. If she rolls her eyes or turns the other way or gives a short answer, don’t waste your time with her. She’s not interested. If she smiles, locks eyes with you and genuinly answers the question, or responds to the comment, you can get into a conversation with her naturally. You can offer to buy her a drink so you two walk away together alone and have more alone time. There are hints she’ll give if she’s interested or not. But, yes it is a numbers game, don’t get discouraged when you get rejected, It happens to the best of us. You never know exactly what the reason is. They could be hung up on another person, not into your looks, or just tired. Just keep on truckin, going out, smiling, having fun, and you’ll attract the right type of people into your life. 🙂 Let’s see what my ladies have to say.

Katy - Miss Class

First off, your comment about your “good looking” whorish buddy.  Really?  200 is an attractive thing?  Is your goal just to get some sort of STD?  If that’s the case, just roll around any bar at 145 and do what you gotta do.  But I did like what you said about him being a good story teller and making a girl smile.  That aside, stop comparing yourself to your buddy.  Step out of that “wingman” attitude that you seem to be possessing.  What do you enjoy doing in your freetime?  I hate to say it but bars aren’t the ONLY place you can meet women.  I went running today in a local park and there were plenty of good looking women running the track, I’m just sayin…. 😉  I think the bottom line is that being in your twenties, which I am guessing you are?, you need to like who you are and be confident in yourself before you can expect anyone else to be interested.  Confidence is key in any situation.  I don’t care if you’re rich or good looking, if you don’t have confidence, girls aren’t going to bat an eye.  Since it sounds like you guys are barflys, try a casual friendly attempt.  Nothing annoys a girl more than being interrupted when she is out with her girls.  Having said that, even when we go out with our girls, we still love attention and want to meet new people.  The key is to get her attention when she is not in a group.  Now, by all means do NOT wait near the ladies room for her to either go in or out, which doesn’t necessarily mean she’s alone as everyone knows we usually bring all of our friends when we go there… maybe use your “good looking” whore friend to approach a group.  This takes all of the focus off you and makes it appear more friendly and more comfortable.  No, do NOT tap her on the shoulder or touch her arm before conversation.  Nothing is creepier than a stranger touching you.  Once you have sparked a fun conversation, of course gesture and casually touch her arm/hand to show interest.  So, as that door opener, an offer to buy her a drink is always the chivalrous, kind approach.  And no matter what, it is unspoken that when a guy buys a girl a drink, she has to/wants to talk to him while she drinks that drink.  Trust me, I have turned down many a drink knowing that I couldn’t talk to the sleezy creep for even one vodka soda.  Complements never fail.  Nothing cheesy, but a sincere compliment!  At that point you can open it up or just walk away and see if she shows interest by turning around and opening her body language towards you.  One more thing.  Do you keep going to the same bars?  As you know, some parts of LA do not house the nicest people.  Try out different places to meet different kinds of people!  Try a dive bar down in Venice or a casual pub in West Hollywood.  Ok, maybe NOT West Hollywood…;)  All the best to you!!  I know you will find what you are looking for!! 😉

Jen, the Marriage Therapist

Shaun,

I totally feel for you.  While women certainly have their challenges in the dating world, I think guys have it particularly tough in that you have to put yourself out there a lot and take some risks to meet girls.  That said, with the advent of the internet, meeting (a lot of) people is easier than it ever really was before.  I’m not sure if you’ve tried internet dating, but if you haven’t it’s a great way to access a lot of women you might never otherwise have come into contact with… especially if you have a really busy schedule, or aren’t into the whole going out and meeting people at bars thing.
But if you are doing the bar/lounge/club/happy-hour thing, and you want to know how to approach a girl, here’s my best advice: confidence and humor are key.  And I’m not talking about the aggressive kind of confidence that’s often off-putting to women.  I’m just saying that you have to approach the situation with the attitude that you’re worth talking to.  First, look for signs that a girl’s open to being approached… this includes any sort of sustained eye contact or smiling in your direction, and it helps if she’s not with a large group of girls (though I’ve known guys who’ve had good success even when they’ve approached a group).  Comment on something funny or noteworthy about the venue or the surroundings (this is always safe), and avoid cheesy pick-up lines, including whether she goes there often or that you think she looks familiar (unless she really does).  You can try complimenting her outfit or smile, though sometimes this is a bit riskier.  Offering to buy her a drink is always good, as this generally will give you more time with her and show you’re really interested in talking to her.  And always remember that people love talking about themselves, so ask questions and look interested.  Humor is a very attractive quality, so use it whenever possible- it keeps things light and flirty.  If she’s interested, you’ll be able to tell by her body language and her reciprocating in trying to learn more about you.  If not, that’s ok too.  Try not to take it personally and remember that everyone gets turned down sometimes, and it may have little or nothing to do with you.
Just as words of encouragement: I met my husband at a bar when he approached me and two friends offering us a drink from his bottle service.  Not the most romantic of stories, but things worked out pretty favorably for him 😉  Good luck!
 

Janine - The Dreamer

Mon ami,

 

I’ll let you in on a little secret that’s understood among women but rarely spoken; women are attracted to confidence like moths to light.  It’s not necessarily his money, or the fact that he’s a pro ball player, or even that he’s super good looking.  It’s that men with money, or who play sports, or who have good looks, are confident, and confidence is sexy.  What does this mean for you?  Well, to continue a conversation with a woman, you must exude confidence.  Eye contact, smiling, the way you carry yourself, showing that you’re relaxed but solid, these qualities will catch a lady’s attention.  If you find her interesting, it is up to you to take the next step.  Ask if she’d care to continue the conversation over coffee.  If she gives you her number, great.  If not, next!  Don’t dwell if she does not reciprocate your interest.  Believe me, you’ll get better with practice, and as you are twenty years old and have never had a girlfriend, I doubt you’ve had much practice.  The good news is you’re in university, and universities teach you how to think, question, explore, and learn.  You know what that gets you?  You guessed it– confidence.Bonne chance! 

Janine

I have met this one girl through a mutual friend. She’s really pretty and really nice. She keeps giving me mixed signals though. She has a boyfriend but tells me that she really doesn’t hang out with him and that he’s a jerk blah blah blah. Last night she came out with me and my friends… and broke up with him and I spent all night consoling her rather than chatting and having a good time. My roommate tells me that she’s off limits and now I am only gonna be seen as the other guy and not her main priority. It’s a pretty bad situation. I really do like her and I definitely want to hang out with her more often but I don’t know what to do. Should I move on or should I continue to talk to her?  

BTW I’m living in the Pittsburgh area. I noticed you guys are referencing the LA area a lot.
Thanks for your help.
 

Debra, the Dating Diva

It’s a  tough call. I’ve been the girl in that situation before. It’s going to be tough to start anything with her now because she needs to deal with officially ending her relationship as well as getting over it. You don’t want to completely disappear though because another guy will hop in the picture and take the lead in becoming her next boyfriend. It’s okay that you consoled her one night. She’ll see that you are a caring person and that she can open up to you. But, do not make a habit of it. Let her know that you’ll give her your space to deal with what she needs to but that you’d like to get to know her better and take her out on an official date when she’s ready. But, definitely check in with her every couple weeks to say hi and see how she’s doing so you’ll be right there when she’s ready to date. However, if she doesn’t break up with her boyfriend soon, just let go. You don’t need to be a part of that mess.

Hi, Im having problems with my ex girlfriend that I love more than anyone I’ve ever met.  However after having to deal with her psycho ex boyfriend; having to fight him twice and having her brother- in-law (who was engaged to her sister at the time) talk shit about me behind my back to her family, we had a falling out and broke up.  After letting her go I realized how much I loved her and miss her. She used to call and text me everyday, but now after 1 month that has stopped and it seems she has lost interest.  I told her how I felt but it appears she doesn’t feel this way anymore.  I would do anything for this girl and I don’t know how she really feels because a week and a half before she told me she still loves me. Now I’m all messed up and have a broken heart. I’m away at school (which is only 45 min away) and I come home every weekend and see her out often. However, when were out she’s afraid to give me anything more than a hello.  She cares what people think which aggravates me the most and tries to be “just” friends with her ex-ex-boy friend but he clearly still wants her as well.  I want this girl more than anything I love her soo much In my eyes she’s perfect, Even tho in the eyes of others it is not the same.  She was promiscuous when she was younger to say the least. She F*&^%$ 20 guys at 21 years old.  Anyway none of this matters because I love her and have seen the real her. I want to be with her but I want to know how to go about approaching her and contacting her when were out so that I could win her back.  I know she till feels for me somewhere, and I want to do whatever it takes to make things better.  Please tell me how I could win back the girl of my dreams. Thank you.

 

Jen, the Level-Headed Therapist

That is one complicated situation!  It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain, and that you really want to give things with her another shot.  Be patient, though.  After everything that’s happened, you need to move slow with her and give her a little time and space.  It isn’t going to be easy, but acknowledging the things you did wrong, and the ways in which you really want to make things better is a good start.  Try to maintain regular contact with her so that she knows you’re interested, but don’t be too smothering.  She needs to see that you are worth getting back together with, so being the “bigger person” when it comes to her family, brother-in-law, and ex-ex-boyfriend is the best way to go.  It certainly doesn’t hurt to do some nice things, like taking her to dinner, occasional flowers, and invitations to do some fun things together.  You need to get the good parts of the relationship back somehow, but again, you’re going to have to give the girl some time.  As a word of caution: don’t let her see you hitting on other girls when you’re out, and don’t get so intoxicated in social situations that you say or do something you’ll later regret.  Those sorts of things will only make the situation worse.

Good luck!  And if things don’t work out, remember that there are so many people out there.  Your relationship with this girl has been pretty tumultuous, and sometimes it’s refreshing to have a clean slate with someone new…

Dena - The Serial Monogomist

If you really feel that this girl is, as you say, “the girl of your dreams,” then man… you’ve got some pretty f&*^( up dreams. You need to ask yourself if you really love her, if you really love what she represents, or if you really just love the drama. Everything you describe about this girl raises countless major red flags for me, not to mention all sorts of tiny little white ones that would make an otherwise secure person say, “Game over.” But not you. You actually want to continue enduring this anxiety inducing / emotionally abusive / dude, she’s totally stringing you along “relationship” that, if the violent behavior with her ex-boyfriend continues, could very well land you defending yourself in court.


Exhibit A: The girl is maintaining relationships not only with her ex, but her “ex-ex” as you put it. In most normal circumstances, that would be perfectly understandable. Just because the relationship ended, doesn’t mean the friendship has to. You have fought him not once, but twice. TWICE! You don’t go out of your way to mention what the fights were about, who instigated, whether she was involved, etc. Did she ask you to protect her? Did you feel the need to protect her? Did you fight out of jealousy – yours or his?
Exhibit B: You go out of your way to say that she “f&^%$” 20 guys at the age of 21. Not “slept with”, not “had sex with”, but “fucked.” Either you need to grow up (you do), get your jealousy under control (you do), or show some respect. I’m not saying she’s an angel by any means, and really, any 21 year old woman who’s slept with her age in men is by no means a saint, but that’s her past. And her past makes her who she is in the present. For someone you call the “girl of your dreams”, you had better treat her with much more respect than you are showing her in this email.
There’s no doubt you’ve got some growing up to do, which is what you’d expect from somebody who’s still in college. You still have so much to learn, so many other women to sleep with… and most importantly, you’ve still got to figure out who YOU are and what makes YOU tick. No grown man I know would waste any time on somebody who doesn’t say more than a cordial, “Hello” in public; and they wouldn’t stick around for any woman whose ex boyfriend is continually dragging them into fit-fights. That’s high school shit. Ask yourself: “Why do I really want to win her back?” Because if it’s for the sex (which I’m pretty sure it is), by the power of Gray Skull you WILL HAVE SEX AGAIN! I PROMISE YOU! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tj1fQiuCiE
Listen, you’re broken hearted right now, so it’s hard to see this clearly, but… I promise you you’ll find another woman. As my grandfather used to say, “Women / men are like buses: you miss one, the next one is on its way.” You’re good looking, you look like you work out… there’s no doubt you’ll meet another woman. They don’t call me the “Serial Monogomist” without cause – I’ve gone from one relationship to the next with very little time between. My biggest mistake was that I didn’t take enough time to focus on me. If you can focus on you right now, and promise yourself that the next one won’t be so dramatic. If she is, then you’ll get out and hop on the next bus.

Be careful when you call somebody’s ex a “psycho.” Them’s fightin’ words.

Hello Debra and the Board 🙂

I come before all of you with quite a confusing situation. Outside of college I have quite normal game but when I am in college its quite fuzzy. I shall give you an example.There’s this girl (I know, sounds like a cliche) her name is Nellie. She is a sorority girl, and we were neighbors last year, classmates this year for a health wellness class and I participated in one of her marketing studies. On the last day of the wellness class I decided I’d like to push it up a level so as we were leaving the last class we had a conversation in which we were bantering for a little and then I decided to say: “Nellie we’ve been neighbors and classmates and I can’t help but wonder since we get along so well, why don’t we move up another level? She replies: what do you mean? I say: Lets move from acquaintances to friends and hang out. She; Ok text me  Me: chuckles How can I text you when I don’t have your number She: I’ll give it to you  Me; alright.  (she gives me her number) Me: walk with me, I’ll send you a text (we walk for a little and shes like I need to go do errands but I’ll see you around. Me: See ya later  as we are walking away I send the random text: captain amazing.
saturday I text her (we covered basics in our bantering)
Since you’re from south carolina, do I have to keep my messages clean? Its illegal to talk obscene to a woman over there right? 🙂 – Tigran
(I looked up funny jokes about her state and threw it in there) I didnt get any response from her. My questions to you are fourfold: One is this salvagable? Two, if so how shall I go about it? Three, if it is not what should I keep in mind for the future next time I get a number?  Four: can you assess me from my pictures?

Jen - the Level-Headed Therapist

It’s hard to say whether this is salvageable or not from the little information we have.  But here’s the cold hard truth as I see it: she just doesn’t seem that interested.  Maybe she’s interested in someone else, maybe she’s too into her sorority and partying and isn’t looking to be serious with anyone, maybe she’s just not that attracted to you… and maybe you’re trying a little too hard.  It’s a fine line between letting someone know you’re interested and pursuing them, and coming across as desperate or making too strong an effort.  Just like guys, girls often like the thrill of a chase and a little mystery as well.  You seem to be a little too preoccupied with labels like “acquaintance” vs “friend vs “girlfriend.”  Don’t worry about that stuff at such an early stage and assume if there’s been ongoing banter and friendliness that you’re friends.  You can certainly use the direct approach (and I think this goes over better once you’re out of college), and ask a girl for her number and a date…but try inviting her to something where you can get to know her better.  If you include her in a social event, it appears less threatening and date-like, and you can still start “taking things up a level” without having to state the obvious (which is kind of a turn-off).  To some extent, you gotta play the game… be cool and confident.  One more thought: some sorority girls are really wrapped up in the Greek system, and may not be into a guy who’s not in a fraternity (or are overly concerned with which fraternity a guy is in).  I’m not sure if this has any impact, but keep it in mind.  If she hasn’t responded to your texts, back off for now.  Wait until you see her in person, and then you can tease her about it, or make it seem like it’s not that big of a deal.  From there, you’ll have to read her body language and response to seeing you.  Good luck! –